I Wish I was a Pirate

When my feet hit the sand. I’m immediately transformed into a pirate.

The awful smell, the shitty accent, uncontrollably loud, and constantly drunk.

My wife stares in awe in her blue polka-dotted coverup.

For five days in Mexico I was pirate sent from the port of Baltimore. My job was to infiltrate the cartels and drink all of their tequila.

The mission was so successful. We had a massive party. Even Sailor Jerry was there to celebrate.

I say to my wife in the airport security line, “Yo ho yo ho, a pirates life for me.”

She says, “Frank, they’re checking your bag.”